YOLO for a living

Yep, in those nineteen years, I have done and experience a lot but its still not over. There is still the future the unknown.

To be honest I don't want to think about the future, I just want to lie down and close my eyes or look at the stars at night. I always love stargazing. It's compelling and it is where I do my deep reflection and just plain imagine and think. Especially moon gazing. There is something about the luminescence of that natural satellite that attracts me. This is why I stay last at night and wake up in late next morning. Its sad though that I only experience my night escapades at my province and not in Manila. One thing I always look forward when going home is the night sky.

I always wanted to have a tent when I was young.
Mission accomplished!

My love for reading will remain. As for my writing, though I stopped it for quite some time now, I will continue it someday. Recently, I have this sudden addiction with paintings and other artsy stuff. I am not that artistic so don't ask me to paint or draw because the nearest drawing I could give to you is a stick figure. And I am partially a feminist.

I am also apathetic to all that I see and hear but sometimes I voice out my thoughts when needed to be. If something does not harm me or my interest in anyway then I am cool with it.

After all that I have been through in the past years, there are only three things that I am afraid of

failing, falling and losing.

Life is a balancing act

What is the future for me?

I have a long way to go

Basically, I will graduate with some degree which I am positive will be Bachelor of Library and Information Science and take my license exam to become a professional librarian. Then take my masteral degree and probably my PhD. Help out my little brother with his studies. I also see me being independent once and for all and start living in a small apartment or condo until I get enough money to move into some resemblance of a house. Have a pet dog, probably a Golden Retriever.

I saw this dog during The British Festival
in BGC

I may have my own library containing all my books.

I may get to learn how to web design and use it as a side line from being a librarian.

I might continue my Fencing as a hobby.

I might go back to Tennis as a hobby

I may continue my singing in a choir.

I may drive a car.

I may explore the country then the continent then the world.

I may meet my significant other in the process and we'll fall madly in love with each other.

Marriage? I might consider it.

Kids? I may have to enter myself into motherhood classes and parenting classes but its plausible.

In my retirement stage, I want to live in Baguio or out of the country and die there. I want to pursue cross stitch and crafts during this time. I was always interested in arts and crafts.

Thinking about the future is draining me emotionally and mentally. Why? Because I'm not sure I could achieve all of them. Some yes but not all. That is why the future is scary. But what is scarier? The now. The choice I will make will make or break me in the future. For instance, I never saw myself as sporty or be in any sports for that matter and here I am now a trainee fencer and a tennis enthusiast. I almost gave up my dream of becoming an Iska and here I am living the Iskolar ng Bayan life. I never thought heartbreak whether I was in a relationship with someone or not could affect me this much. I never thought I would defend myself against the two people who gave life to me and raise me up. I never thought my avid in reading could make my social life better than it was when I was young.

Its a bit dramatic when looked at in a different perspective because I know there are a lot of people my age whom experience a lot worse than I do. But does the level of extremity really matter? For me it doesn't. You could be assaulted and harmed while your still a kid and still act like you haven't experienced it. You could be indulged with toys and clothes but not be spoiled. What am I pinning here? (Honestly I just wanted to add more and this popped in my head) Mostly, its how you portray yourself after all that has happened to you that makes you you. I am not particularly sure if its maturity but its there--that something that makes who you are.

Bookworms unite!

So aside from my friends at school, I made friends outside. I meet these people on only one event: Book signings. I first meet Eriele during the book signing of Keira Cass, author of The Selection Series (August 2013) and it basically started from there.

I am a fangirl of books and now I meet people with the same passion as I do. My circle of friends got bigger and wider. We usually talk about books and fan cast and book boyfriends/girlfriends. And we get to meet our favorite authors together.

I also made "families" with them. One is "The Shadowhunter Family" and "The Peculiar Family" and a new addition "The Sinclair Family".

With them, I thought a lot of things and got to explore a lot of places. My usual hangout buddy around Manila is Joan, I call her Mommy Joan because she is the "Mother" of the Peculiar Family. I got to eat a lot of various foods and got to see art parks and a block party. She also is my confidant and knows my inner demons than anyone. She is also my "photographer" to my photo shoot that I planned on my 19th birthday- also for this project.

Eriele and Me

Shadowhunter Family

Peculia Family

Mommy Joan

Sinclair Family

Friday, April 3, 2015

UPLISSA

This is my academic organization. The only organization that I will stay until I reach alumni status. I told you before that I won't enter anymore organization because its to tedious. Luckily this org doesn't have an app process and all you need to do is sit and mingle and try to be active in the events held. This org has thought me things that I couldn't get in a classroom setting. I also learned life lessons in being in Tennis UP but nothing could compare to this org.

The people are so kind and welcoming. To them you are a friend and not an outsider. It's one thing I like about them.

One touch at a time

Fencing was my PE subject during my second semester in UP being a freshman. It was a fun PE class because we were the first ever class to have fencing back and being thought by a alumni varsity fencer in UP is something worth appealing to.

PE class with our prof Sir J

During that time I thought about continuing this PE subject into something more serious but I kept on pushing it back because I had Tennis then but after what happened to me in the organization. It was the last push to put me into Fencing. I love Tennis and if I can I would continue on but the emotional turmoil I was experiencing with the org was a bit too much for me to handle. Leaving was the only way. I could have entered to another sports or an outside Tennis club but I don't have the means and entering another org will be tedious and I have no interest anymore in joining other organizations.

It sounds like I used Fencing as an escape route.

I did.

Though it was fun because Fencing is an aggressive sport and I used that aggression against the guy in my disposal but its not a wise move. Fencing is a sport where you have to control your emotions and be calm and think.

I started as a PE student and now a trainee in the UP Fencing Team.

I have to admit at first I wanted to give up on the sport. Why? I thought I was not cut out for the sport and that I may never be. But with a little push and a lot of training, I may have a chance at being part of something I never thought I could ever get in my life.

Now that I am nearing my first year in playing Fencing and I have to say I have learned a lot and gained new friends.

From being an escape route to being a real thing. Life really is weird. Or its just me.

Here is a little snippet of how conditioning in Fencing is done

I tried to perfect it. I really did. :D

Pages

Monday, April 6, 2015

MY LIFE

Saturday, April 4, 2015

Who are you? and The Future

Bookworms unite!

Friday, April 3, 2015

UPLISSA

One touch at a time