In the eyes of a Mother

Motherhood.

Every time, I think about that word. I think about nurture, love and care. I think about love. Also home cooked food. But I have realized that being a mother entails a lot of work.

For the lack of the better term, the mother takes the 9-month journey of mood swings, morning sickness, cravings, and mental imbalance (let's be honest, to-be mother's are crazy, one way or the other). And her journey doesn't end there, she has to breast feed and take care of the child and at the same time do other responsibilities. 

Mothers are like super heroes who saves the world and at the same time be a normal person.

Recently, I asked my mother about how I was conceived and taken cared for and this is her response:

When I gave birth to a baby boy, I said to myself that my second child must be a girl. With the knowledge that in our family, most siblings are boys because in pure brood of five, we are only two girls. But my two brothers were still born meaning when they were born, they both only live few hours and they expired. On my husband's side, they have only one sister. So, when the time came that I want to conceive my second child, I asked my ob-gyne, how to have a baby girl. My doctor taught me how make that dream come true. Scientifically, I followed her instruction but I also prayed to God that He may give me a baby girl. So with God's help and with the medical instruction of my doctor, I successfully born a baby girl. When I was pregnant with my child, my best friends told me that my second child will be a boy again. So, I challenged them that if it is a girl, they will give my baby, jewelry fitted for a girl like ring, earring and necklace. When I have undergone a sonography, it was confirmed that I will have a baby girl and I also inform my friends about it but they all answered, ultrasounds are not 100% accurate. So, I told them that the bet is on. And they all accepted my challenge. They really don’t believe that I’m pregnant with baby girl because of my physical changes, my neck, underarms were so dark. I also have dark eye bags and I look awful and ugly. Because my friends believe in the belief and sayings that if a pregnant woman's physical features change like darkened neck and underarms, it is a boy. So, when I gave birth on March 7, 1996, and it was confirmed that it was a girl. My friends paid up by giving my daughter ring and necklace. I did not encounter difficulty in giving birth to her. When my baby girl was at a right age, I let her wore the necklace every time we went to church. But one day, when we were at the public market, that necklace was snatched from my daughter’s neck. She got scratches in her neck but I was so thankful that she was not harmed so much. I got her name Raisa from the wife of Mikhail Gorbachev, Russian president and the second name Faye, in honor of my husband's mother whose name is Feny. Raisa was a dream baby, she has regular sleeping patterns and as a toddler, she was chubby and cute. She rarely gets sick, maybe because she was breast feeded from birth and during my maternity leave. And now, looking back, I feel proud of what she has achieved. And always, praying to God, that she be guided by His loving hand so that she can fulfill her dreams and ambition.

My mother is one heck of a woman. She is so different from other mothers for the fact that she has a tough or rather stern way of treating people. It's not that she is spiteful. It's just how she was brought up that made her that way. Alas nurture vs nature. I seldom hate that side of her, that I don't get to be chill or lax or joke with her because she sees things differently than I do. In that we are different. The only similarity I suppose I have with my mother is that if I want something or want to prove something right. I get it and will fight for it. My mother is a fighter and I love that about her. She will fight for her children even if the world is against her. She is the middle child in her family and the one who is not at all neglected but rather the least priority and that made her to learn to be independent at a very young age. She lived a hard life during her maiden years and even now she still does and I am really a  hypocrite sometimes that I don't get to thank her as much as I do. Heck, I am the only girl and she and I should get along. We seldom have misunderstandings and end up being just there.

Don't get me wrong that I have those fleeting moments where I want to fix it with her but my mother being how she was brought up and how I am really afraid of her judgement, I end up just writing the stuff down and try to be the daughter she wanted. In some ways, having good grades is my way of showing her that I am that daughter. There are also moments where her emotions or past experience be it bad or good cloud her judgement and it has to be me or my father that must rein in her actions.

One thing, I was surprised with my mother is that she told me I was more mature and better than my brother whom I thought and still am "The Golden Son" of the family. And that she expects more from me which is both an added stress but a challenge I accept.

I love her even when I hate her sometimes because she is my mother.